So i flew first class for the first time ever. I got bumped off my original flight home, so the peeps over at the airline said, "Hey yo, we're sorry. Please take this voucher for a ticket anywhere in the US except Alaska or Hawaii. And by the way, you now are flying first class, baby. The catch? You have to wait a long fucking time, muthafucka."

And I thought, "Wow this is the coolest airline ever!"

Flying first class was a trip. Literally. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Hot damn, I'm witty. anyway, it was awesome. I felt a bit guilty because the flight attendants were like my personal slaves, and I thanked them every time I could, which probably made me look like an amateur first classer. Also, I wanted to let everyone on the plane know that I wasn't a rich fucker but just some guy who got bumped.

When I got home and opened my luggage, it was apparent that the looky-loos in airport security had been rummaging through my stuff. What nosy parkers. And they didn't even bother to leave a note this time. Jerks.

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