i recently got an email from an online friend saying that they imagined me as fat and bald, except for a rat tail. not a braided one, either. (When i first read this, i thought, "A rat tail? God lord, do people think i am some sort of genetic freak? Some sort of demonic ratman?" But then i caught on.)

can you believe it? rat tails are about as white trash as mullets, except they're probably more white trash since mullets are ironic and popular in a stupid way. in fact, rat tails should be appropriated by stupid hipsters any day now.

but fat and bald? first thing i think of when i think fat and bald?

Kyle Gass.

so i'd just like to reiterate to everyone that i have a beautiful head of hair, which should be evident from the attention i pay to haircuts (see here, here, here, here, here, and here).

also, i am skinny.

i got a new pair of shoes today. technically i am a size twelve and a half, which is the only shoe size they do not make. can you believe that? they just go from twelve to 13. twelve and a half is just skipped over. fucking unbelievable. they make 13 and a half, and eleven and a half, but no twelve and half. it makes me angry. my mom mentioned that i could start a company that sells twelve and half shoes and i'd make millions. but i do not think the demand is that high.

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